


Phobic

by MrsHamill



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: First Time, M/M, Phobias
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-04-21
Updated: 2006-04-21
Packaged: 2018-05-21 09:43:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6046963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MrsHamill/pseuds/MrsHamill
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This can't be happening...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Phobic

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the SGA Flashfic community and the challenge, 'This is not happening.'

"This can't be happening. This can't be happening. This can't be happening. This can't--"

"McKay."

"--be happening. This can't be happening. This can't be happening. This can't be--"

"Rodney."

"--happening. This can't be happening. This--"

"McKay!"

"--can't be... what?"

"Shut. Up."

"You don't understand." Rodney was doing his best not to hyperventilate but was losing the battle. "I... I have very strong claustrophobia. This is--"

"It's a large, fairly clear space, Rodney, aside from the small rock slide you fell down. We saw that before you broke the light on my P90. It's just dark."

"It's pitch black! And I didn't break the light, you broke it! And you don't know how big it is! There could be... could be..."

"Rodney. Shut up or I will personally squeeze an entire lemon into your canteen on our next mission."

"You wouldn't dare!"

"Don't test me!" 

Rodney didn't think he was serious, but wasn't sure he wanted to push it. Instead, he changed the subject. "Look, I'm just saying, saying that we need to get out of here. That's all I'm saying."

"I know that. We're fine, Rodney." There was a rustle of cloth and Rodney knew Sheppard was squeezing the bridge of his nose. 

"No we're not! We're trapped... we're trapped in a cave! Underground!"

"Most caves are."

"Something could be out there, waiting to kill us! There could be Wraith, there could be..."

" _I'm_ going to kill you if you don't shut up."

"...something dangerous, and why don't you break another lightstick?"

"Because we only have four left, Rodney, after you broke the ten you had and six of mine before I could stop you in your headlong rush *deeper* into this cave. We need to be able to signal where we are when the team comes to get us out."

"How are they going to find us? We're in a fucking _cave_! The radio doesn't work!" If only he could see a little bit...

"Rodney, will you just sit down and shut up? We are in a cave. It is dark. Caves are dark. At least five people, including Ford and Teyla, know we're down here somewhere, and by now, probably the rest of Atlantis knows. They'll be here soon enough. We just have to wait here."

"It's taking too long, it's been _hours_ ," Rodney muttered, wrapping his arms around himself. He stood paralyzed, incapable of sitting down like Sheppard wanted him to do, Sheppard who always knew what to do, was never afraid of anything, who didn't even have allergies, for God's sake, who couldn't know how hard it was to navigate in a world far dumber than you are. He so did not sign onto the SGC for stuff like this. He certainly wasn't delicate, but he was a scientist, not a goddamn Marine.

Something touched him and he leapt straight up in the air. "What?!"

"Christ, McKay, siddown! Am I going to have to start bringing tranks with us on every mission?"

"Don't sneak up on me! And I'm not sitting down because I don't know what I'm sitting on!"

"It's rock." Sheppard's voice was both weary and frustrated. "Sit." He put his hands on Rodney's shoulders and pushed down, shoving Rodney to the slightly damp ground, nearly spraining his ankle in the process.

"Hey!"

"There. You're sitting. I'm sitting." There was a rustle of cloth and Rodney could feel Shepard's thigh touching his own. "Can you feel me? I'm sitting right next to you."

"Yes of course I can feel you," Rodney snapped. He wasn't an imbecile. He pulled his knees up to his chest, making sure he could still feel Sheppard.

"Good. Now. Why the hell are you so wound up? We've been in far worse situations than this."

"No, we haven't!"

"Yes, we have. The Wraith ship with the Genii? The planet with the snakes, where they tried to eat us? The one where Ford looked just like the local devil-deity and the villagers tried to--"

"It wasn't like this."

Sheppard made a frustrated sound. "No, this is safer! We just have to wait to be rescued, which, I might add, would have been faster if you hadn't blundered further into the cave and broke our only source of light while insisting you knew the way out."

Rodney started hyperventilating again. "How are they going to find us? There could be--"

Suddenly, a warm hand was plastered over his mouth. "Rodney. This behavior is weird, even for you. What is it? Are you afraid of caves?"

"Nmfff!" Caves were just damp and filled with bats, usually, and the ground was covered with guano. There was nothing to be _afraid_ of in a cave, except...

"It's the dark. You're afraid of the dark." 

Sheppard hadn't removed his hand from Rodney's mouth and even though Rodney didn't want to admit it, he'd struck gold. There was a big difference between claustrophobia and a simple fear of the dark -- the first, everyone understood (to a point, at least). The latter? Not so much. After a moment, Rodney hung his head and nodded.

"Oh for God's sake. That's nothing to be ashamed of, McKay. Why didn't you tell me?"

Rodney could talk again because Sheppard pulled his hand back. "What, and be ridiculed? No thanks."

"I wouldn't ridicule you, Rodney. Christ. We're all afraid of something, just like we all have red hair or brown hair or blue eyes or whatever. It's phobias; nothing to be ashamed of."

"Really?" 

"Really." There was a pause before Sheppard continued. "Of course, I'm going to have to post this on that bulletin board outside the lab, when we get back."

Rodney hung his head. "Fine, just shoot me now. Tell everyone I died nobly, saving children. Cave children."

"You know, you have a really unhealthy attitude towards death. Maybe you should talk to Dr. Heightmeyer about it."

" _I_ have an unhealthy attitude about death? _I_ am not the one trying to get himself killed by taking on an entire army single-handed!"

"You're never going to let me live that down, are you?"

"Hell no. You scared me -- you scared everyone, we thought you were _dead_."

"Well, I thought you and Teyla were dead. I'm sorry I scared you but I'd do it again. That's my job." 

Rodney put his head down to his knees and closed his eyes, trying to keep from panicking again.

"Okay, what can I do to help you? Barring breaking another lightstick."

"For starters you can not post this on the bulletin board."

Sheppard sighed. "It was a joke, McKay. A joke."

Sure it was. Rodney didn't believe that for a moment. He opened his eyes... nope, still pitch black. He closed them again with a soft moan. It was so ridiculous that he was afraid of the dark; he was the smartest person in the Pegasus Galaxy, he held multiple Ph.D.s and could pretty much fix anything and everything but a rainy day and he was working on that one, give him time. It would all be _fine_ if, when he opened his eyes, there was a little light to see by. Just a little light, that's all he needed.

"I've got a phobia too, you know," Sheppard drawled. 

"Yeah, right," Rodney muttered. Guys like Sheppard weren't afraid of anything.

"No, I do. And it's completely stupid too. And I remember this guy, bunkmate in flight school, he was absolutely terrified of heights. Thought he'd become a pilot to break it."

"Well that's incredibly moronic."

"Yeah. We all thought so." 

"Did it work?"

"Nope. He transferred to the army after his first simulation. Didn't even make it off the ground."

"Idiot."

"Yeah."

In order to keep from hyperventilating (somewhere in Rodney's rational brain, he knew tight-lipped Sheppard was talking more than he usually did in a month purely to keep Rodney from panicking again, and it was a lovely gesture but it really wasn't working), Rodney asked, "What's your phobia?"

"Uh..." Rodney blinked. Sheppard really did have a phobia? "Um... it isn't that important."

"Look, I told you mine... okay, you figured it out but I confirmed it, the least you can do is tell me yours."

Sheppard sighed again. "Okay. It's... well, bu-- bugs. Roaches."

Well, that took Rodney's mind off his own fear. "You're afraid of roaches? They can't even hurt you!"

"Thank you Mr. Sensitivity! I know that. That's why it's called a phobia."

"But roaches are so ubiquitous, how do you--"

"Can we change the subject? I asked you what I can do to help you."

"Well, this is helping, discussing your phobia, and that must have been excruciating with that thing attached to your--"

"McKay, don't go there."

"All right, all right." Rodney relaxed enough to lower one of his legs to the ground, though he kept the other one up and made sure he didn't break contact with John.

"How about word games? Or number puzzles? Ford told me how you and Zelenka drove him bananas with some number game."

"It was just trying teach him how to tell a prime -- what was that?"

"Shh." Now it was completely silent as well as dark and Rodney started to shake.

"I don't think it was anything, probably a drip of water or a rock falling."

"You don't know that!"

"Rodney, please stop. You're stronger than this."

"No, I'm not!"

"Yes, you are. What can I do to help?"

"You could... you could..." You could kiss me, Rodney thought, then followed the absurd thought with a snort. As if. He'd long since realized John Sheppard the Space Cowboy was hands off, out of bounds, off-limits. Way off-limits. Dammit.

"I can't read your mind, Rodney."

Thank God for that.

"Look. It always helps me to know there's another person present, you know, when I'm scared."

"You're never scared."

"Bullshit. I've spent a good chunk of the last year nearly scared out of my mind."

"Did not."

"Did too! What are you, twelve?"

"Look, I just want to get out of here."

"We both do. Calm down. Teyla and Ford will be here any minute."

Rodney opened his eyes again and again, there was nothing to see. He closed them and couldn't prevent another quiet moan from escaping, even as he hugged one knee tighter to himself. John shifted and suddenly, Rodney found himself encircled in strong arms. 

"It'll be okay, Rodney. I promise. Just relax." John was sitting on the ground next to him, facing in the opposite direction, with both arms holding Rodney tightly and it was a comfort, actually.

Giving in, Rodney leaned into the embrace, breathing deeply. It had been so damn long since he'd been with anyone, male or female, and John was just so damn hot it was so damn unfair. He smelled damn good too, while Rodney probably stank of fear sweat. John was warm and so very present and it was just so, so very unfair. Really.

Now John was patting Rodney's back and encouraging him to put his head on John's shoulder. Without thought, Rodney did, only belatedly realizing it was probably a bit too close. He stiffened, all too aware that he was becoming aroused by the gentle contact and wasn't _that_ absurd, what the hell was wrong with him that he could go from being astoundingly terrified to turned on in one easy step, all it took was a pat from John Sheppard, the guy who could have anyone in the galaxy with a snap of his fingers, but not Rodney, oh, no, not completely straight John...

"What?"

"What what?" Rodney licked his lips, keeping his eyes resolutely closed and his mind on anything but how warm and wonderful John felt.

John made another frustrated noise. "Rodney, I'm trying to help you here."

"I... I know. Thank you."

"Then why are you pulling away?"

"It's... it's nothing. Really. It's just hard to... hard to..." just hard, he finished in his mind with a despairing eye-roll at himself. Just how fucked up could one human be? Was this some demented god's punishment for Rodney being smarter than it?

"Jesus, you're a--" John dropped one arm and it landed in Rodney's lap, between his body and his raised knee. It wasn't anything more than a brief touch but John froze, not responding even after Rodney managed to twist away, well as far away as he could with John's other arm still wrapped around his shoulders.

"Uh..."

"Rodney." John's voice was even slower than usual and carried a note of speculation Rodney didn't want to think about. "Is there something you'd like to tell me?"

"Um... no?"

John was silent for several moments. "You're a terrible liar."

Rodney snorted, as if that were anything new. He tried to pull away again but between John's comforting embrace and the icy coldness of complete darkness, he just couldn't.

"It's suddenly beginning to make sense, I think." John's voice was even softer and the sound of it felt to Rodney's ears like silk felt to his fingers. "Though I wish you'd told me sooner."

"Told you what?" Rodney asked, weakly. 

Instead of answering, John took Rodney's head in both hands and kissed him. It took Rodney a few stunned moments before he could believe what was happening, then his whole body decided hip, hip hooray and wanted to just pour itself into John but for some reason, he pulled back again. "Uh, Major?"

"Busy, Rodney." John pulled his head back and kept kissing him. Rodney mentally threw up his hands and went with it.

And oh man! it was sweet. Soft lips, warm lips, drool all over the place as each tried to climb into the other, tongue first. This time, Rodney's moan was not exactly out of terror, but rather from the fact that John Sheppard tasted just as good as Rodney always imagined he would. The guy had roving hands too, not that Rodney was complaining because John's hand, massaging his erection through his trousers felt absolutely fantastic. Rodney felt it was only fair to return the favor, and the size of the package he felt almost made him come right there. So he was a size queen. He'd known that forever.

"Is that a P90 in--"

"Don't finish it, McKay." John's mouth was nibbling on Rodney's neck and Adam's apple while Rodney was trying to get his hands inside the flack jacket and find more skin. They were breathing hard and the whole darkness thing had become a non-issue in the face of this, and whoa, John was going to have to teach that move to Rodney because it felt...

They were on the verge of going down to the ground and dry humping each other when there was a static burst from both earbuds. "Major Sheppard? Dr. McKay?"

"Oh, no," John let Rodney go with a reluctance that was gratifying but he still let go and that really wasn't acceptable. "Not now, Ford! Not yet! Christ, it took me--"

Rodney grinned and removed two of the glowsticks from John's jacket, breaking them and putting them on the ground. In the distance, they could see lights bobbing toward them and Rodney found he wasn't in the least bit nervous about the dark anymore. Of course, it wasn't completely dark any longer, which helped.

"This is not happening," John mumbled through his hands, which were over his face. "This is not happening, _please_..."

"Cheer up, Major," Rodney said. He touched his radio. "Ford? We see you, can you see us?"

"Be right there, Doc!"

John sighed heavily. "After all this time, finally--"

"Cheer up," Rodney repeated, finally giving in to temptation and ruffling his hands through John's hair. "Do you know how dark it can get in an internal room in Atlantis?"

John dropped his hands from his face and gave Rodney a very speculative, very hot look. "No, I don't."

"Maybe we should find out," Rodney said, standing and giving his hand to John.

John pulled himself up and grinned. "Sounds like a plan, Dr. McKay."

Rodney just grinned. No answer seemed necessary.

end


End file.
